Download A Million Ways to Die in the West by Seth MacFarlane PDF

By Seth MacFarlane

From the writer of Family Guy and director of Ted comes a hilarious first novel that reinvents the Western.

Mild-mannered sheep farmer Albert Stark is uninterested with the tough lifetime of the yank frontier, the place it sort of feels every thing and something can kill you: Duels at excessive midday. Barroom brawls. toxic snakes. Cholera-infected ingesting water. Tumbleweed abrasion. anything referred to as "toe-foot." Even a visit to the outhouse. definite, there are 1000000 how one can die within the wild, wild West, and Albert plans to prevent all of them. a few humans imagine that makes him a coward. Albert calls it logic. but if his female friend dumps him for the main unbearable man on the town, Albert comes to a decision to struggle back—even although he can't shoot, journey, or throw a punch. thankfully, he groups up with a stunning gunslinger who's difficult sufficient for the either one of them. regrettably, she's married to the most important, meanest, such a lot jealous bad-ass at the frontier. seems Albert has simply found 1000000 and one how you can die within the West.

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A Million Ways to Die in the West

From the writer of kinfolk man and director of Ted comes a hilarious first novel that reinvents the Western.

Mild-mannered sheep farmer Albert Stark is bored stiff with the tough lifetime of the yank frontier, the place it sort of feels every thing and something can kill you: Duels at excessive midday. Barroom brawls. toxic snakes. Cholera-infected ingesting water. Tumbleweed abrasion. whatever referred to as "toe-foot. " Even a visit to the outhouse. certain, there are 1000000 how one can die within the wild, wild West, and Albert plans to prevent all of them. a few humans imagine that makes him a coward. Albert calls it good judgment. but if his female friend dumps him for the main unbearable man on the town, Albert comes to a decision to struggle back—even notwithstanding he can't shoot, experience, or throw a punch. thankfully, he groups up with a gorgeous gunslinger who's difficult adequate for the either one of them. regrettably, she's married to the largest, meanest, so much jealous bad-ass at the frontier. seems Albert has simply stumbled on one million and one how you can die within the West.

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CHAPTER 7 THE SECRET THE SUN BLAZED HOT IN THE BRILLIANT BLUE SKY; the still, humid air hung heavy on Mollusk Island. Peter and his mates sat in a bored clump in the middle of the Mollusk village. Normally, this was a lively place, where children’s laughter mingled with tribal gossip. But today there was almost no sound other than the muffled roar of waves crashing onto the beach several hundred yards away. Nobody felt like talking; everyone except the youngest children was waiting. They were waiting for a sound nobody wanted to hear but everyone expected—the sound of a conch-shell horn, blown by one of the sharp-eyed Mollusk warriors posted high on the mountainside.

He’d been thinking hard for the better part of a half hour, trying to figure out what it was. Suddenly it came to him. “No smoke,” Eagle Eye muttered. Then he shouted it: “Smee! ” Below, in the shade of the fort wall, a very round man with a very round, red face jerked awake from his catnap and wiped some drool from his stubbly chin. This was Smee, the captain’s first mate at sea and his lackey on land. ” he shouted up to Eagle Eye. ” repeated Eagle Eye. ” shouted Smee. ” “No! There’s NO smoke,” shouted Eagle Eye.

Every man felt it. And then one night, as sailors lay in their hammocks trying to find sleep that wouldn’t come, a young boy spoke three words that carried through the lower decks like a bone-chilling wind. He spoke them just after prayers, when the only sounds were the swishing of water against the hull and the groan of the ship as it buckled and bent under the captain’s demands. ” CHAPTER 7 THE SECRET THE SUN BLAZED HOT IN THE BRILLIANT BLUE SKY; the still, humid air hung heavy on Mollusk Island.

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